Most people who come to therapy are not short on intelligence. They can describe what is happening to them in detail. They have usually spent a lot of time thinking about it. The problem is that all that thinking has not led anywhere useful.
This is a common pattern. You go over the same situation repeatedly. You see multiple angles but cannot settle on what to do. Or you have already decided what the problem is, but nothing changes. The thinking itself is not producing results. That does not mean you are doing something wrong. It usually means the thinking is happening on top of assumptions you have not examined yet.
What Unexamined Assumptions Look Like
An assumption, in this context, is a belief that operates in the background. You do not experience it as a belief. You experience it as the way things are.
Someone dealing with anxiety at work might be operating under the assumption that any mistake will have serious consequences. Someone whose anger keeps surfacing in arguments might be assuming that the other person is the entire problem. Someone avoiding a difficult conversation in a relationship might be assuming that raising the issue will only make things worse. These feel like facts. They shape decisions and emotional responses without being questioned, because they do not feel like the kind of thing that needs questioning.
A large part of therapy involves surfacing these assumptions and looking at them directly. Not dismissing them. Examining them. Is this actually true? What evidence supports it? What evidence does not? What happens if you act as though it might not be true?
The thinking itself is not the problem. It is what the thinking is built on that keeps you stuck. This is not a dramatic process. It is methodical. But it can shift things that years of thinking in circles have not.
The Gap Between Knowing and Doing
Another common pattern is knowing what you should do but not doing it. You know the relationship is not working. You know the job is dragging you into depression. You know you drink too much or avoid conflict or over-commit. Knowing has not been the problem for a long time.
The gap between knowing and doing is usually maintained by something you have not looked at clearly. Sometimes it is fear of a specific outcome. Sometimes it is a belief about what you deserve or what you are capable of. Sometimes it is simply habit. The pattern has been running for so long that it operates on autopilot.
Therapy that focuses on this gap does not give you more information. You already have enough information. It helps you see what is sitting between what you know and what you do, and then decide what to do about it.
Slowing Down Without Stalling
One of the more useful things a therapist can do is help you slow your thinking down without stalling it. There is a difference between being stuck in your head and being deliberate about how you examine a problem.
Mindfulness practice is useful here. Not as a relaxation technique, but as a way of noticing what is actually happening in your thinking, in your body, in your reactions, before the interpretive layer kicks in. When you can see your own patterns in real time, you have better information to work with.
This is a skill. It develops with practice. It is not about being calm. It is about being accurate.
What This Looks Like in Practice
A typical session might involve talking through a situation that is bothering you, identifying the point where your thinking gets stuck or circular, and then examining what is underneath that sticking point.
Sometimes the answer is an assumption you did not know you were making. Sometimes it is an emotional response that does not match the present situation because it belongs to an older one. Sometimes it is simply that you have been trying to solve the wrong problem.
The work is collaborative. I ask questions and offer reflections. You are the one who decides what fits and what does not. The goal is not for me to tell you what to do. It is for you to see the situation clearly enough to make your own decisions with more confidence.
When Therapy Makes Sense
Not everyone needs therapy. Some problems resolve on their own with time, support, or a change in circumstances. Therapy tends to be most useful when you have been dealing with something for a while and your own efforts to resolve it have not worked.
If you find yourself thinking about the same problem repeatedly without making progress, or if patterns of anxiety, depression, anger, or relationship conflict keep repeating despite your best efforts to change them, that is usually a sign that something outside your current line of sight is maintaining the pattern. Professional support can help you find it.
Counselling in Westmount, Montreal
I offer individual and couples counselling for adults and older teens in Westmount, Montreal, with both in-person and online sessions available.
To discuss whether counselling may be appropriate, contact the practice or schedule an initial consultation.
