Infidelity Counselling in Montreal

Infidelity disrupts more than the relationship. After an affair is discovered or disclosed, sleep, concentration, work, and ordinary decision-making are often affected for months. Both partners tend to lose their footing, although in different ways.

I am a Canadian Certified Counsellor offering individual infidelity counselling at my office in Westmount, near Atwater metro, and online across Montreal. I work with the person who was betrayed and with the person who had the affair. Sessions are individual. Your partner does not need to attend, and the relationship does not need to have a known outcome before you begin.

After Discovering a Partner’s Affair

Discovery tends to produce a recognizable set of reactions. Intrusive thoughts and images arrive without warning. Attention returns repeatedly to details: dates, messages, what was said and when. Sleep breaks down. Anger can be intense and unpredictable, and it often alternates with numbness or a need to keep checking a partner’s phone, location, or accounts.

Research supports this. In a study of women who had recently learned of a husband’s affair or faced a threat of separation, participants were six times more likely to be diagnosed with a major depressive episode than a comparison group with similar levels of marital conflict (Cano and O'Leary, 2000). A later study of 73 young adults whose partner had been unfaithful found that 45.2% reported symptoms consistent with probable post-traumatic stress related to the infidelity, and those symptoms were associated with depressive symptoms (Roos et al., 2019). Both studies were small and neither examined treatment, but they indicate that the aftermath of an affair can carry significant psychological effects.

Common reactions include:

• Intrusive thoughts, images, or replaying of details
• Anger that is difficult to contain or predict
• Disrupted sleep, appetite, and concentration
• Checking, questioning, or monitoring a partner
• Self-doubt and a loss of confidence in your own judgement
• Difficulty making decisions about the relationship

If You Had the Affair

People who have had an affair also come to counselling, although their side is less often discussed. The concerns are different: guilt, shame, the strain of secrecy, uncertainty about disclosure, and a partner’s distress that is difficult to respond to without becoming defensive. Some are unsure whether they want the relationship to continue. Others want it to continue and do not know how to begin repairing it.

A central part of this work is understanding why the affair happened. That does not mean justifying it. It means identifying the patterns, unmet needs, avoidance, or conflict that preceded it, so that the same conditions do not produce the same outcome again, whether in this relationship or a future one.

How Infidelity Counselling Works

The first session is an assessment. We review what happened, how it came to light, where the relationship currently stands, and how you are functioning day to day: sleep, work, mood, and anger. From there we agree on what to address first.

The work typically includes four strands, weighted according to your situation. First, stabilizing: reducing the intensity of intrusive thoughts, rumination, and anger so that you can function and think clearly. Second, understanding: examining how the affair came about and what it reflects, from whichever side you are on. Third, deciding: reaching a considered decision about whether to stay or leave, rather than a reactive one made in the first weeks. Fourth, rebuilding: where the relationship continues, the individual work that supports repair, including how to approach difficult conversations, how to rebuild trust gradually, and how to respond when old reactions return.

There is no requirement to decide quickly. Part of the work is creating enough stability to make that decision deliberately, on a timeline that fits your circumstances.

Sessions are available in person at my office in Westmount and online across Montreal.

Who This Service Is For

I work with adults dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, whether they were betrayed or had the affair. Some are still in the relationship and intend to stay. Some have separated. Many have not yet decided. Infidelity counselling suits each of these positions, and it does not require a partner’s participation.

Many of my clients are men, and some have not discussed the affair with anyone else. Others have been encouraged by a partner to seek individual support. Both are workable starting points. The process is confidential, structured, and focused on what you can change.

Infidelity often overlaps with other concerns. Anger after discovery, low mood, anxiety, and sleep disruption are common, and they are addressed as part of the same work.

Schedule a Free 10-Minute Phone Consultation

Professional Background

Academic qualifications and professional memberships:

• Master of Counselling and Psychotherapy
• Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy
• Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCC), Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association

Learn more about my background and qualifications.

Counselling That Fits in With Your Schedule

I’m available for appointments Monday to Friday from 8 am to 8 pm and Saturday from 10 am to 4 pm, either in-person at my office in Westmount, or online for your convenience.

You don’t need a referral to make an appointment. You can contact me directly by phone, email, or book a session through the website.

If you're not quite ready to book but would like to learn more or get a sense of how I work, I offer a free 10-minute consultation by phone.

Your First Appointment

In our first session, we’ll talk through the following:

• Your main concerns and what has brought you to therapy
• How these concerns are impacting your day-to-day life and relationships
• Your expectations, goals, and hopes for the work ahead

This initial session is also an opportunity for you to get a sense of how I work and to ask any questions you may have.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I attend if my partner will not come?
Yes. This is individual counselling. Sessions focus on you, your reactions, and your decisions, and your partner does not need to take part.

Do you work with the person who had the affair?
Yes. I work with the person who was betrayed and with the person who had the affair. The work for each is different, and sessions are adapted accordingly.

Do I need to decide right away whether to stay or leave?
No. Many people begin counselling without knowing what they want. Part of the work is reaching a clear decision on a timeline that suits your situation, rather than under pressure in the first weeks after discovery.

Is what I discuss confidential?
Yes. What you discuss in sessions is confidential, within the limits set by law. Your partner is not contacted or informed about the content of your sessions.

Do you offer online sessions?
Yes. I offer in-person sessions at my office in Westmount and online across Montreal.

Do you issue insurance receipts?
Yes. I provide receipts that can be submitted to your insurance provider. Confirm directly with your insurer whether services from a Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCC) are covered under your plan.

Further Reading

• Anger Management Counselling
• Anxiety Therapy
• Depression Therapy
• Divorce and Separation Counselling
• Men's Issues Counselling

Booking a Consultation

To book a free 10-minute consultation, contact the practice at (514) 360-7205 or contact@pauljozsef.ca, or click the button below.

Schedule a Free 10-Minute Phone Consultation